a thousand of apologies

sumtime i wonder, y do ppl put on a mask whenever in front of others. dun they hav down moments? even if they do, they sumhow find it hard 2 express it. its like u nv expect 2 c a clown realli cries durin a performance. its so natural 4 a clown 2 entertain others, tat sumhow he lost himself n forget who he is. i myslef is 1 such person. wel or shud i sae i "evolve" into 1 such person. 习惯成自然. i dunno how 2 fully express my inner self 2 others, causing alot confusion n misunderstandings. mayb 2 sum ppl, my action wuld hav been seen as a traitor or anythin else. bt seriousli i cant help it, n i realli cant express myself in full, tts y i hope my apologies here wuld at least ease sum anger. its simply my nature 2 run away from problems.

now, tis is 4 a fren, im realli sorry if i cause any unhappiness or hurt u wif wat i said e other day, i simply couldnt deceive myself over e truth, blame me 4 my stubborn character and bluntness. i juz dunno wats appropriate 2 say. a failure im, as i hav fail 2 keep my family bond intact, sorry father, i hav let u down times n times, my results too r trash. my mum juz got a new job n is stil tryin 2 adapt 2 e new environment, so i tot nt troublin her too much, bt i let my temper ran wild again in front of her. in fact, i juz had a big fight wif my second bro, he mite hav grown bigger than me now, bt im no pushover, we had such a big fight tat it even alarm our neighbours. i was furious wif him scoldin my mum over trivial matters tat i blow my top, n cum 2 punches wif him. i even took e a knife outta e kitchen n chase out 2 e corridor. my neighbours had quite a gd impression of me so far, bt i guess after tis incident, they mite hav tink im a real mean person, which i happen 2 b. lately, hes been wif sum bad companies tis days, even i myself also not sure who they r. hes been skippin sch, n he hadnt realli came back durin my exam period. at tat time i was realli preoccupied, tat i hardly had any chance 2 c him, n once again, i oso fail 2 express my pt of view 2 him. guess he wunt b cumin back home tonite too, after wat juz happen. how i wish we could go back 2 wat we use 2 b like, playful n cheerful, no worries at all. i hate 2 admit it bt, after e fight i went 2 had a bath, n i actualli shed sum tears durin shower, i was regretful 4 my actions n everythin tat hav happen 2 my family.

im sorry mum, i din 2 make u cried juz now, cos i tink hes realli runnin over ur head le, i simply juz lost my cool n almost commit e unthinkable. n im definitely sorry bro, i din mean 2 hit u or anythin, i admit im in e wrong too, bt i tink tis is not e way 2 treat ur mum, its realli unacceptable. the fact tat my attachment had alot long n hectic trips,n sumtime my temper juz seen like rising every min. tts y i simply culdnt take it anymore. im sure i stil own alot ppl apologies, juz tat i culdnt rem every1 who i hav hurt b4. all i can sae is sorry. such reflect e kinda person im, how much bad things i hav done in e past.

i guess even though i had live a brief n short 19 yrs, alot things happen, sum ppl mite sae its eventful, bt y r most of them endin in a tragic way. a fortune once told me my life wil b beta after my 21 birthday, bt i simply cant c it cumin, e fact tat bad things r stil happenin. durin my life, i exp bein betrayed, labeled, biased, prejudiced, hated n everythin, n i guess its realli gettin in2 me every now n then, every1 had a past, bt i guess mine is realli far away from wat they so called happiness. its veri unusual 4 me 2 blog at tis hr, bt i simply gotta let it out, or i mite juz do sumthin stupid again.

signin off,
sinner