Real Happiness

first of all, i wanna anounce tis is prob e last time i b bloggin in tis webpage le. nothin special, just feel there r alot past memories lingering ard tis blog tat hav b remindin me of e past, i noe i hav decide 2 move on le, tats y all e more i muz let go of all this memories n stuffs.

actualli, i also muz gif special thank 2 alot ppl, esp my best sis, pat n her sis pauline 4 bein my best counsellors, my god sis kimberly n gd fren shirlene 4 givin me all tis moral supports, my old gang members esp aaron for takin my mind off my misery, my gd fren esther 4 all e advices, my sentosa kakis including jee cheng 4 allowin me 2 pour out my woes, my camp mates 4 pushin me thru e toughest days, my sch mates esp jian ming 4 showin me endless concern all the way. i realli muz thank you guys deeply from e bottom of my heart, n i juz cant thank you guys enuff. all e care n concern shelter my darkest day, bringin me out of my shadow. last but the least, i wanna say thank you 2 you, pauling, 4 bringin one of e most beautiful moments 2 me. i wil cherish tis precious moments we once share. U taught me wats love is all about, enabling me to finally be able 2 feel bein love by someone. u build up my confident, u teach me alot of life morals lesson, u teach how 2 b fillial n made my bond wif my family stronger. thank you n i hope u will lead a happy life after us, i finally understand wats true happiness le. kim recorded e video of our last moments, i somehow shed some tears, but i also smile at the same time. i can feel a glimpse of ur happiness, n somehow i feel fortunate 2 once be there. a big thank you 2 everyone.

爱转角

我伪装着
不露痕迹的想在你身边
静静的陪着看着天边
骑着单车
往前行进着
某个路口爱在等着
你往前走
不回头看了记忆的笑脸
缓缓的敲着我的琴键
我不舍得
让你孤单单的
我爱你的心牵挂着
心不再拚命躲不去害怕结果
假设有个以后你会怎么说
一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走
下个路口你会看见爱
有美丽笑容
爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我就是我的美
歌词提供~~lck
☆爱转角遇到了51lrco~-~o
心不再拚命躲不去害怕结果
假设有个以后你会怎么说
一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走
下个路口你会看见爱
有美丽笑容
爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我就是我的美
爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪
将寂寞孤单作废让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我就是我的美
为什麽你轻易俘虏我的心
我却难以将你的目光拉近

Here without you

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

love is kind?

ppl told me tat love is kind. is it realli tis way? i dunno. i use 2 tot heaven hav been veri kind to me, 2 hav u as my gf. bt on tat faithful day, everythin changed. i lost not oni u, bt my whole world.

sittin at a corner of e train, i felt so small, so pitiful. everywhere i go, traces of memories wil b there 2 remind me tat u r no longer there wif me. i try consolin myself everytime i c other couples, tat we once had such a wonderful love. 2 b truthful, u r e first person tat i realli did put my whole heart n world into lovin u.

i noe, sometime is a factor that we cant control. i noe i mite not b able to gif u wat u want in time, n all tat i can gif now is not wat u realli want. bt i been realli tryin my best already, i tot my hard work could push me thru, n offset our difference. bt i was so wrong, i did not expect my heart 2 b hurt so bad, so bad that i cry before n after my slp everynight. if i say i love slpin cos its e oni time i could realli dream of u in front of me, will u believe it? when i slp, i dun need 2 face e world, i can b wif u in my dream, bt oni 2 wake 2 e harsh reality. say im stubborn, say im weak, yes im stubborn, yes im weak. i noe e fact tat i stil love u deeply is somethin i can nv change. so many kind souls n frens hav told me 2 move on. bt i stil always at e same spot. waitin 4 e day u change ur mind n come back 2 my life.

如果你也听说

if u ever heard any thing bout me, its probably how i have been forcin myself back 2 life all tis period. Sometime, i tot i could finally go out there n let go of e past, bt i came 2 realise its all too voluntary response le. seeing u findin ur happiness, i realli happy for u, bt at e same time, tears juz kept fallin down, like every piece of my heart crackin n fallin from grace.

i have no love for myself. 2 b truthful, all my life, its e first time i ever felt so failure n useless. i hav achieve nothin all tis yrs, tats y u choose 2 go, 2 seek a better future. mayb im juz slow, i came 2 realise everythin n my bad far too late, too late 2 even tell u how much u weight in my heart. sometime, even as a strong person, my belief n soul will wanna gif everythin up, so tat i can leave tis world, full of regretful memories. if u ever heard them sayin im stil doin well, tats means mayb i hav finally got over everythin n return 2 my real self, bt if its e other way round, promise me u will stil go on n live ur live, for im not worth it, i wil nv b able 2 gif e happiness u seek, i wil nv b good enough 4 u, im juz not wat u want, wat i can give will nv satisfy u. i tried to be wat u want, bt failed. i will nv b wat u once want me to be. i noe everyone lost loved ones in their life, n i hav exp tat so many times tat i afraid my end mite b near too.

if its comin 2 me, i will gladly accept it, as tis life n responsibilities is too much 4 me 2 bear. if u realli c tis entry, juz rem e followin words i have for u,

如果要走请你记得我,
如果难过请你忘了我.

take it slow n steady

how many ppl can claim tat they r without sin committed sin? no one, n tat include me, whose very sinful, n i mean e sin tat is related to bad deeds. wel bt put aside e sins, im juz another kampong boy aka Tong Tong, livin in e north. im simply simple minded, n veri impulsive at times. n worst of all, i got one of e most irritating mouth ard, i joke n all e wrong times n i will nv get serious enough.

bt now i hav made up my mind, i muz amend all e misdeeds i hav done in e past. i will cherish those ard me more. n i thks all e ppl who hav concern bout me when it seem my life hav juz exp a landslide. i hav recovered completely. a very big thank you.

n ya, thks 4 clearin e air, nw at least we noe wat we r tinkin. 我们就耐心培养萌芽不要急着开花.

I'm sorry

Oh I had alot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry baby, Yeah.
I'm sorry.

Lend me e courage n strength, will you?

its been so long since i realli speak my heart on tis blog. sometime i feel so isolated, so many stranger ard me, ppl who r suppose 2 leave hav left, things tat r suppose 2 lose r lost. everyone hav move on, bt somehow a person was left behind e crowd. a person without any courage n strength left. a person who dun wanna hold anyone back. until now, he remain on e same spot. stil cant find e source or purposr of energy 2 start moving.

now, even if im so tired emotionally n mentally, i will try 2 say out wats on my mind all tis while. im not a gd person, an unfillial son, a irresponsible elder brother, a useless partner. lets face it, i nv be able to forget all tis injuries i got myself into. my heart is so empty now tat its bein drained dry. im not e kinda person who would go chill out or club 2 forget all my problems temporary. every nite, i stay home, doin nothin bt starin at e empty ceillin, tinkin how can i move on. i noe alot muz hav worry bout me , n i noe by now n by rite, i shud hav move on. its not bout her anymore, its bout me n my emotion. i admit it hasnt realli stable at times. all i can do is to cover myself, n force a smile or a joke 2 let them know i hav gone back 2 my normal self. but im not. im no longer e same. things r lost forever. how would i hav wat it takes to face tml.

i dun need sympathy, i need a lend of courage n strength, im weak inside. how long can i last this drainin ordeal i dunno, call me useless or hopeless, bt i hav yet 2 find e strength 2 start movin on. save me from tis turmoil, b4 i get lost forever.