actually i believe this blog has been desert for quite some time. but from now onwards i will be returning to this blog to continue from where i left off. actually i also not sure where to start from my current life. all i can say im now stuck in e stupid army, looking for Mr Mas Selamat aka mr. satay man, with the rest of SAF. at the same time, im also studying at Mdis for the course of Pharmaceutical Management. so basically im now trying my best to juggle between sch work and army. the difference between two is one is commitment, while the other is just an useless obligation.
First of all, i must say im currently moving in quite down period of my life. From the day you say bout your doubt bout our future, i hasn't been myself, be it in work, in play, in studies, in rest. I can't concentrate on my work and studies. everyone at work can see that something was wrong bout me, I can't do things rite, n everyone knows that. that day, i was alone in storeroom of my camp, i keep thinking of our happy times together, to the state that tears start to run down my cheeks uncontrollably. Somehow, i have lose control of my feeling, and its running wild. I have never experience crying in front of someone i barely know, but happen that day when a few of the commanders came n look for me n saw how depressed i was. I was basically on the verge of emotional breakdown. The painful fact is, i cannot do anything foolish like hurting myself, as i know it would deal a great blow to my mum n family, as we have already lost my dad. practically its this responsibility to my family that keep me going, but i must say its also a very painful ordeal to bear with. cos basically u r force to bear the pain of losing your most beloved one due to family commitment.
I have never blame my family for this, but i must say one thing, you don't have to worry bout my family condition, they are well taken care of. i mean this parting came too sudden when everything was so fine and going so smoothly. it's human to err, i was wrong to not have give the feeling of security bout our future, and i only came to realise bout it now, which could be too late. i have never give you the impression that i was going to settle down any soon, i really regret not telling you my plan for the future. I plan to settle down with you as soon as i save up to the required amount, have our own home, loving you each day, and have our kids in the living room. although im now in ns, n im unable to give anything, i really was prepared to work very hard and study at the same time when i get out to the society. i really change alot of my behaviour, like being too violent, to the fact that i now have grow up so much compared to the past.
What i can only say is, i will always have you in my heart, in whatever i do, I still bear hope of returning to your arms. I will work hard on my own at the same time, to show you im no longer the same old me, i have grow up to maturity. i only need two years, and i will be able to show you. for now, i think the more i ask you, u will only get more upset, lets be fren for now, 但我会默默的等待着， 继续努力证明我自己。Love you as always.
Signing off,
L
